What to do when you're the captain of a 14 man boat and you fall overboard during Vogalonga

photos by Nereo Zane

You’ve been captaining a 14-man “quattordesona” down the Grand Canal during the Vogalonga.
For reasons that you’d rather not share, you end up falling off the back of the boat, “spontaneously baptized” in the Canalazzo.
Now you’ve got numerous boats rowing your way, and thirteen members of your club, laughing at you from the boat you were just on.
What do you do?

First of all, it’s important to swing your arms as you swim back to the boat. Sure, you need to get back to the boat, but you’ve got to make sure those other boats see you – so swing those arms.
Because you’re a Venetian, make sure you look good while doing it. Think “bella figura” here.
As with most potentially embarrassing situations, if you just act like things are normal, maybe you’ll fool a few people into thinking that “you meant to do that”.


Second, keep that mouth shut. Don’t allow yourself to sample the waters of the Grand Canal. You may be tempted, but trust me, it’s not worth it. I tried it once during a similar baptism, and it tasted a lot less “fresh” than I’d imagined. Oh, and while you’re swimming towards that boat, which is full of fellow club members laughing and making clever remarks – take notice of the ones who are laughing the loudest, and those who are wisecracking the most – these are the guys you’ll want to “baptize” later when the opportunity presents itself.

As you approach the boat, make sure that darn photographer doesn’t take a picture when you’re hanging on the edge of the boat, trying to get in. You know the shot: your butt’s in the air with your pants hanging down – giving the world a view of your potential as a plumber, your belly is hanging into the bilge, and two or three guys are trying to drag you in as you think to yourself “I never realized how hard it is to get back into a boat while fully clothed”.

Once on board, get yourself back into position, remove your shirt, take it all in stride, and look down at those thirteen guys who have been laughing at you. Give ‘em a big smile and laugh. Laugh, because the whole thing really was hilarious, and you certainly would have laughed if it were one of them. Turn your attention to the other boats and pedestrians who have been watching the whole thing…and give them a nice bow.
Next, tell those thirteen guys to “quit standing around, the show’s over, now get back to work!”